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by Marissa
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Story
I have been
For as long as I can remember, I have been running. Not the kind to keep fit, but the kind of running away from my life. As a child, I was a victim of sexual abuse and never properly dealt with it. I ran from the pain as a way to suppress my trauma and to “move on.”
From that painfully traumatic experience, I continued to run, not feel, and get away from the space that deeply hurt me. At the tender age of 15, I became a mother. By the time I was 16 years old, I was married, working, and raising a child. I was good at surviving, not at thriving emotionally. I mastered surviving through pain and numbness by suppressing.
Working
became another source of running from my past
I excelled professionally and worked my way through many executive positions in the retail industry; in many prominent retail organizations. However, I found myself addicted to working and eating, smoking, and anything that would numb out any personal sensations of happiness, joy, or even anger and pain within myself. On the outside, I was loving, caring, and generous.
I felt I could give everything to everyone, but never myself.
I constantly fought a battle within myself. Ultimately, I realized what enabled me to survive my trauma was now hurting me deeply inside. Though I was no longer in extreme danger from external sources, I was lost in the darkness with myself. I had dimmed any light within me, and I could no longer see.
I run away
Shortly after my daughter left for college, I left my marriage (that had grown toxic and dysfunctional). Broken-hearted and trying to process all that I was feeling was more than I could have imagined. I couldn’t bear it.
I ran away one last time, but this time the Universe redirected me to the only path - to face my fears. I had no real choice. I could continue on my emotionally and physically self-destructive path or take the opportunity that presented itself for me.
The Universe aligned me with a Transformational Coach who saved my life.
He not only saved my life, but he opened my life to more than I ever imagined. As I navigated the feelings, the trauma, and fears, my heart and very existence shifted. My mind calmed. My energy lifted, and I found myself connected more than ever to my true source of light…ME!
By following my heart, I find myself living out my dreams in Laguna Beach, CA, and playing in the magical vortex of Tulum.
I am living proof that you are not what happened to you.
I know exactly where you are, what you’re feeling, and what it means to let go. There will be tears, but I promise each tear will move you closer to living, not merely existing.
