You tell yourself all the reasons why it can’t be, why you don’t deserve it, or at best, it’ll happen one day. You keep it hidden for “one day” and return to your mundane & unfulfilled reality?... a reality that no longer serves you.
For as long as I can remember, I have been running. Not the kind to keep fit, but the kind of running away from my life. As a child, I was a victim of sexual abuse and never properly dealt with it. I ran from the pain as a way to suppress my trauma and to “move on.” From that painfully traumatic experience, I continued to run, not feel, and get away from the space that deeply hurt me. At the tender age of 15, I became a mother. By the time I was 16 years old, I was married, working, and raising a child. I was good at surviving, not at thriving emotionally. I mastered surviving through pain and numbness by suppressing.
Working became another source of running from my past. I excelled professionally and worked my way through many executive positions in the retail industry; in many prominent retail organizations. However, I found myself addicted to working and eating, smoking, and anything that would numb out any personal sensations of happiness, joy, or even anger and pain within myself. On the outside, I was loving, caring, and generous. I felt I could give everything to everyone, but never myself.
I constantly fought a battle within myself. Ultimately, I realized what enabled me to survive my trauma was now hurting me deeply inside. Though I was no longer in extreme danger from external sources, I was lost in the darkness with myself. I had dimmed any light within me, and I could no longer see.
Shortly after my daughter left for college, I left my marriage (that had grown toxic and dysfunctional). Broken-hearted and trying to process all that I was feeling was more than I could have imagined. I couldn’t bear it. I ran away one last time, but this time the Universe redirected me to the only path – to face my fears. I had no real choice. I could continue on my emotionally and physically self-destructive path or take the opportunity that presented itself for me.
The Universe aligned me with a Transformational Coach who saved my life.
He not only saved my life, but he opened my life to more than I ever imagined. As I navigated the feelings, the trauma, and fears, my heart and very existence shifted. My mind calmed. My energy lifted, and I found myself connected more than ever to my true source of light…ME!
By following my heart, I have found myself leaving Laguna Beach, CA’s comforts, to living out my dreams of playing in the magical vortex of Tulum. I knew 20 years ago I wanted to relocate, but I didn’t know-how. The Universe took care of the how.